that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
