Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
