I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
