So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
