Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
