Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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