Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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