im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
