I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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