one two three fourrrrnication!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
