I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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