her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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