I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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