We're facebook friends in real life
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
