I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
