seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
