were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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