I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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