By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
