Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
