Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
