shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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