it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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