I accidentally had phone sex last night
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it because I queefed?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
