She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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