My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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