you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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