I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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