I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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