Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
