i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
