The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
