I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
