I just threw up on my dentist
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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