i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
