I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
