Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
