shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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