Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
