last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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