So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
