wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
