Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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