I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
