I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
