she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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