I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
