so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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