I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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