And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
