i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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