Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
