THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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