Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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