Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
